Posts Tagged 'politics'

Free-range fire power

Someone foodie once said ‘you can’t improve on the perfection of an egg’, and as yesterdays pelting of nick Griffin shows, it’s still the food-based protest-weapon of choice in the UK. The humble egg is nature’s fragmentation grenade.

Throwing paint, custard or manure is tricky as you need a container to get a good lob, also paint or anything chemical is just unsporting. An egg says ‘I wish to register my displeasure with this projectile, but do not wish to cause any lasting damage’. Eggs stick, meaning victims have to spend minutes scraping off the yolk and allowing photographers to get shots like the one above, it just wouldn’t be the same with vegetables or a brick.

I’m sure when Fathers for Justice threw purple powder in a condom at tony Blair it’s because they couldn’t smuggle any eggs through the House of Commons security. Indeed everyone from the Queen to Iron Maiden has had eggs thrown at them, but the worst example I’ve found is this from John Guy’s biography of Mary Queen of Scots.

On Palm Sunday, 1565, an Edinburgh priest was abducted by Calvinists, taken to the Market Cross and tied up. He was then pelted with eggs for three days. What seems a random act of religious bigotry is revealed as something much more sinister.. Eggs, the Catholic symbol of Easter, were deliberately chosen for what was meant to be a ritual humiliation. The fact that 10,000 eggs were thrown suggests that ‘the attack must have been powerfully backed’, and that the missiles were aimed not just at the poor priest but symbolically at the Catholic queen.

Blimey, 10,000 divided by 72 hours is 128 eggs an hour, or two every single minute for three days. Either way it’s a hell of a lot of egg on the face. I wonder if he suffered any ill effects as this study found that 13 people out of 18,651 admitted to Saint Paul’s eye unit in Liverpool suffered eye problems after being hit with eggs; their conclusion being ‘there is sufficient injury caused by this prank to warrant a public health message’. So the message is go for the body shot, you’ll risk less chance of an injury claim and add to your target’s dry cleaning bill too.

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November 2017
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