Save us from the oenophilic occult

Tesco and supermarket rivals go for wine tasting by moonlight

I nearly choked on my morning coffee when I read this story in today’s Guardian, surely this should be in Ben Goldacre’s Bad Science section? The accompanying box out says ‘With most wines showing best on fruit and flower days, drinkers face a tricky weekend’. As if our lives aren’t complicated and busy enough, that last thing we need is utter rubbish like this. Close the pubs! Cap the bottles! It’s a root day!

I then laughed out loud at Pierpaolo Petrassi from Tesco’s who said, “It may be a little step beyond what consumers can comprehend. We have so many other things to educate consumers about. So many remain confused about screw caps, for example.” What! Who on earth apart from toddlers and the elderly could get confused about a screw cap? As for M&S’ Jo Ahearne who said,  “Before the tasting, I was really unconvinced, but the difference between the [two] days was so obvious I was completely blown away.”  So what she’s saying is ‘the second day of wine tasting I was much better at it’.  And that’s due to the day of the week is it Jo? What’s next  Mystic Meg the Sommelier?

You’ll notice it’s mainly wine that is susceptible to these incomprehensible mystical and elemental forces beyond the ken of men; not many beers, or whiskies, or Coca Cola for that matter. Look, the organic market has tanked, and along with it some good environmental and common sense farming principles sadly. The very last thing we need right now is some mystic neo-pagan navel gazing. This sort of biodynamism just reinforces the snobby and elitist crap surrounding wine.  Putting manure on a field is common sense, burying a skull filled with it under a full moon is quite literally lunacy.  Whilst I’m sure that to everything there is a season, a time to plant etc, it is asking a bit much to extend that to a time to drink or eat the resulting product.

1 Response to “Save us from the oenophilic occult”

  1. 1 Warren Edwardes April 18, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    So Tesco’s customers are confused by screwcaps! Clockwise or anti-clockwise?

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These are my personal views and not those of Channel 4 or the BBC
April 2009

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