Archive for October 11th, 2006

What’s for dinner? How about a Britishese.

New from Knorr! (Owned by Unilever, who’s other industrial products include include Persil, Vaseline and um, peperami)

So chilli, very South American, provides the traditional British love of heat and spice, masks other tastes. Cherry tomatoes give the South American/Italian feel allowing us to cross the Atlantic. They also probably also provide the red colour which can hide a lot of other sins. Moving East to the Steppes, we have Vodka, and the British love of cheap booze, Finally we land in the Far East as it’s a sauce for ‘stir fry’ wok’s ahoy!.

I’m calling this fist fight of flavours from across the globe ‘Britishese’. Only in food hating Britain would this ‘alco-slop’ sauce style of cooking be permitted. Who’s it aimed at? Teenagers? Remember a few years ago when fusion foods were in? It sort of happened more in the US and mainly mixed French and Chinese, though a few tried Italian and Japanese. And it was a really bad fad.. This isn’t even that, this is just shity gloopy rubbish.

Other flavours in the range include ‘Sticky Soy, Balsamic Vinegar and Peppers’ (the browny one) and the slightly more normal sounding ‘Thai Style Lime, Red Chilli and Coconut’ (the yellowy one) in that all the ingredients herald from the same Continent.

“New Knorr Chicken Tonight Stir Fry range provides a perfect quick and convenient meal solution, taking only 10 minutes from start to finish” In Britain today cooking is always about doing things in the fastest time possible. We may not have the fastest racing drivers or sprinters anymore, but when it comes to microwaving we’re champions!
“They come in serving sizes for 1-2 people, so no more having to throw out leftovers!¬†What’s wrong with leftovers, some of the greatest dishes in the world start with leftovers, bubble ‘n’ squeak IS leftovers, so much food is wasted these days. After all a ‘proper’ dish like curry, chilli or spag boll tastes better the next day.

So why not try this combination of the same ingredients properly, take some time over it, pop the radio on, open pour a glass of red and treat yourself to Penne with Vodka.

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These are my personal views and not those of Channel 4 or the BBC
October 2006